Author: Wetbrain

The Best History of Beer.

     Beer must be the most ancient common denominator of mankind. Throughout history, priests used beer for religious symbolism and by doctors for medical reasons. Most have promoted it as a healthy drink, others thought it was a drink brewed from the river Styx in Hell.

Dr. Wetbrain took a swig of his beer and continued with his beer history. You know Harold, nobody knows for sure when and where beer was first brewed. Because the malting process with grain had to be worked. So, it’s a good chance the prehistoric nomads accidentally made beer from grain and water before even learning to make bread.

Picture this, a grubby nomad, hungry and thirsty from traveling for weeks on the road, realizes that in his satchel there is this frothy rotting liquid of water and grain that somehow unified at the beginning of his trip. At this very moment he thought, this should not go to waste, might even help his dehydrated, starving situation. So, he decided to gulp down whatever this pungent liquid mixture was. Suddenly, he was feeling great. No more sore muscles and all the girls and goats along his trek looked… HOT.

Now then there was Noah thinking, ‘all these stinking animals on this little boat. and for how long??’ Thinking of this he made sure that the provisions on his ark included lots of beer.

Through ancient drawings we know for sure that since 4000 BC, beer was drunk. Then it was called ‘Mead’. 4300 BC, recipes for beer were detailed on Babylonian clay tablets. The Babylonians eventually made beer in large quantities with approximately 20 varieties. Beer was so valued then, that it was used as payment to the workers. We do the same thing now, only we take the money route to get beer.

In Egypt, about 3500 BC, beer was a common drink and valued so much that the wealthier Egyptians were buried in their tombs with their precious trinkets and precious beer. When they saw their god at the Pearly Gates he said, “The beer is a very nice gesture…. the trinkets must go, no use for them here.” By 1600 BC, Egyptian medical texts had around 100 prescriptions calling for beer.

“Me too!” Thank you, Dr. Wetbrain.

During Medieval times beer was highly used for trading, labor payment and taxes. Really! You had to give someone part of your beer stash for tax. I don’t think so. Oh, wait. We do that when we purchase beer now. “Like 80% tax.” Dr. Wetbrain belts out.

Eventually by 1200 AD, beer brewing is firmly established commercially. Produced and sold especially in Austria, Germany, Iceland, Finland and England.

In the 1490s Columbus found North American Natives making beer out of corn and black birch sap. The question is, how long have Natives been doing this for? Long before our friend the nomad, perhaps?

It has been noted that in the late 1500s in England, Queen Elizabeth the First, for breakfast drank strong ale. Alright Queenie! Drunk by noon.

1620 the Pilgrim’s beer supply on their three ships was running low. That’s why they landed at Plymouth Rock. Probably heard the natives had good corn and black birch beer.

U.S. presidents George Washington and Thomas Jefferson both had their own private brew houses.

In 1786 Molson Brewery is founded on the banks of the St. Lawrence River in Montreal, Canada. This fine beer was respectively noted as North America’s oldest beer brand.

1810 Munich establishes Oktoberfest as an official celebration with gallons and gallons of beer. “Where’s my tuba?”, Dr. Wetbrain excitedly questions.

      Beer has been around a long time and is here to stay.

Well, with such a variety of beers, ales, lagers, stouts and porters from all over the world. And with all the bars, saloons, taverns and night clubs, beer is here to stay. When humans move to Mars, they will have beer for that seven-to-eight month journey. And will make a batch as soon as they arrive. It’s human nature. Harold nods his head in agreement.

Dr. Wetbrain